


Not So Handsome Jack

by skellyskoo



Category: Borderlands
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-03-03 23:35:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2892236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skellyskoo/pseuds/skellyskoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A silly short story inspired by a conversation over tumblr. A random guy shares the same name has Jack, he spends his entire life avoiding discussion about his name and he's switched to John to avoid confrontation, eventually it slips that his name is Jack, in front of the man himself. They laugh, one of them gets shot, they make a day out of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not So Handsome Jack

He didn’t mind his name growing up. Jack. It’s a good name, they way it sounds, just rolls off the tongue. It carries an air that demands power, the way it states itself upon being said. 

He really liked his name, actually. 

That is, until that asshole took control of Hyperion. It was ironic, really. Here he was, a programer for Tediore and there He was, a previous code monkey at Hyperion (or so he heard through rumors with coworkers on bar night). It didn’t take long after the Handsome Takeover for the jokes to start.

"Haha, Hey Jack, you’re not gonna go kill the CEO right? Haha!"

"Oh crap! Hyperion! Oh, nevermind, it’s just you. Haha!"

"Good thing Jack isn’t Handsome Jack’s twin, or else then we might kill you for stealing our secrets!"  
All this and more, at first it was kinda funny but getting the same thing every day of his fucking life? No thanks.

"I think I’m gonna go by John now." He told his friends and they complied. 

It wasn’t wrong, technically, after all, Jack is generally a given name to Johns, so it makes sense that it works the other way around, right?

Maybe.

Either way he was going with it and his friends were too. Sadly, secrets are seldom kept when smashed. 

"Next round is on me!" The man next to him called out. John hadn’t known him long but he was nice enough. The guy had a good heart.  
Cheers and shouts emitted from the already drunk crowd. Bar night was always like this, and this time it was John’s turn to be the driver, along with a couple other folks.  
His night was going well, sadly that wasn’t to last. 

"Come ON, you stupid FUCK! It’s a Bloody fucking MARY, how can you fuck that up? You fucking idiot bartender. You make me sick." the sound of glass breaking and that unmistakable smug voice was barely heard over the pumping bass, but it was heard nonetheless. It was him , Handsome fucking Jack.

John immediately tensed and looked over. Jack was agitated and clearly not happy.

"Fuck" John whispered under his breath and his drunken pal looked over.

"Hey! Well look at what the cat dragged in! It’s Handsome bloody Jack!"

Jack looked over at his friend, as did John, his eyes wide with panic.  
"Whaddya want, mouthbreather? I-" 

"Woah there Handsome no need to get aggro on me!" The man laughed and John panicked further.

"You just cut off Handsome friggin Jack, numnutz! What are you thinking?" He hissed to his friend.

"Woah there Jack calm down! Haha, HEY! YOU KNOW THIS GUY HAS THE SAME NAME AS YOU?" he called to the incredibly livid Handsome, who was now getting up and coming over here oh crap oh crap,

"So, you know this guy huh?"

John shrunk back in his stool and looked to the man. “Y-yea. Yes. I do.”

"And you got the same name as me huh? Weird coincidence, isn’t it." the man leaned his face into John’s, his mismatched eyes showing a lust for blood. 

"Yes." John’s voice wavered. 

"That’s," Jack stood back up and and reached into his pocket, "that’s nice. It’s a good thing you’re butt ugly or else then people might get us confused, huh?" He laughed cruelly and drew a pistol, then fired a bullet into his skull, scaring the party he was with.

"It’s a good thing you’re dead, too." Jack smiled and looked at the other man, "what, all outta commentary?"

"WHA-" the man’s protest was cut off by a shot to the heart, he dropped dead too. 

"Anyone else," he hissed, "have something to SAY TO ME?" 

The suddenly sober party mumbled a chorus of “no’s” and “no sir”.  
Jack smiled and laughed. “Good. That's great." he sighed and looked to a worker. "Waiter! Get me that drink, and don’t fuck it up this time.”


End file.
